Solo Trek To Badass Country

Story time. On January 2nd, I went on a hiking trip… alone. Although I had gotten used to taking solitary walks, this one was on a whole other level. Bridge to Nowhere was going to give me a trek of 9.5 miles round trip with an estimated duration of 6 hours. I had decided around my birthday that it would be my first big hike of the year.  I had set the date to the first Saturday on the calendar year. My heart was in it and I was gonna do it. 

I swear I had every intention of going with a friend, but as luck had it, no one was able to make it out that day. One by one, I was shut down, receiving a good variety of reasons. Not something I anticipated or wanted to hear but what I could do at that point? If I wanted to do this, I had to go solo. The night before, I contemplated postponing it. I had a flash of concerns going through my head and this internal back and forth. Fuck it! I couldn’t go back on my own word. My mind was set already and there was just not a good enough reason for why I couldn’t do it on my own. No valid one at least.

On that morning, I woke up at 5am and began making my preparations.  I was going to be out there for hours and from what I had read, I was going to cover a lot of terrain, including walking through the cold waters of the river. I was on the road by 6am, feeling nervous on the drive over. No one knew I was going alone. All my friends assumed I had eventually found someone to go with, as I assured them I most likely would. I should be fine, right?

There was absolutely no reception there, which made me even more nervous. I couldn’t look at the trail on google maps anymore and I didn’t have a clue  what path to take. From what I was told, there were a few. The plan at that point was to follow the crowd. Even though I did my best in documenting my trip along way, no one would see the content until I got back to civilization. I had so many moments of cynical laughter. What the fuck are you doing Cyn? You don’t know where you’re going and if you fall off this cliff, ADIOS!  

But I leaned on the one thing that always comforted me. Music. I had prepared my lists the night before, which honestly consisted of a collection of Sam Smith songs and some other “in your feelings” type of tunes. I think I even downloaded the Alone Again playlist on Spotify. Ha! Gosh, I’m so ridiculous. Regardless, it helped. I walked and walked listening to every song and taking it in. Flashbacks of memories would hit me and I examined every thought. I felt truly lost most of the time. At some point I had even gone the wrong way, setting me back like 20 minutes. I ended up backtracking and finding a good side of the cliff I could climb to get back to the correct trail. This was unnecessary, but I was too impatient to walk all the way back. A short cut it was! 

I did it though. I was so relieved when I saw that damn bridge. I wasn’t sure if I was more amazed of the bridge itself or the fact that I had actually reached it on my own. It really was a beautiful sight. I admired the rocks and the water as I sat and ate my snacks. It was peaceful, and all the worries and sadness I had in me had dissipated. Getting back to the car was another venture, but when I did, I sat for a minute as pure pride came over me. I was happy. I felt accomplished. I was in awe of myself.  I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was badass for doing that, so absolute kudos to me!  

In that same moment, I realized how much I needed this to happen. I need to be at one with my every thought. I needed that pick-me-up. The past couple weeks had been crappy and I was questioning how long this miserable feeling would last. All I knew was that I was tired of feeling bad about myself. This hike… this experience placed everything into perspective. There’s nothing wrong with doing it alone.

Things don’t always go according to plan, but I still had me to count on. I am resilient. I was going to be ok. If I could do this, then I could move forward. There was nothing wrong with doing it on my own, especially if I was doing it for myself. Sure, it’s better to have someone there by your side to cheer you on, but if no one else could be there to answer the call, guess what honey? Get ready because you are going to be your own cheerleader! You can do this because you are a badass in many ways.

Song for that Uphill Climb

One Man Band– Old Dominion 

To Die For – Sam Smith

Swollen – Francisco Martin (ft. Julia Gargano) 

When the Party’s Over – Billie Eilish

Loose Yourself – Eminem 

Rise Up – Andra Day

We Are the Champions – Queen